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The
Brainstorm: - On the face of it, a group activity
that engages in the noble quest for better ideas.
But this is as far from the truth as the assumption
that global warming is a factor of the gas inducing
content of worldwide cuisine. These sessions eventually
end up as forums where all the seven sins flaunt themselves
unabashedly. And the quest for inspiration is reduced
to nothing more than candles flickering in the bellicose
gusts that are the hot winds of human ego…
"The
quest for ideas must begin, but not before the room
beckons sin"
The
hushed oriental tone, the express delivery of the
tea cup and Chai-La, the mystical Chinese canteen
tea boy, had vanished into the weather warning on
the morning newspaper that indicated the lurking promise
of a fierce storm sometime soon. "Hmm, sin? What
has sin got to do with brainstorming?" queried
Ram Shankar, more of himself than anyone else. He
was by far the junior most person on the horizon and
when one is an underling, one simply does not burden
one's superiors with philosophic conundrums early
in the morning.
The
'brainstorming' session had been initiated by Vikas
(Ram's boss) and Dharti (the ravishingly radiant strategy
head); the other invitees included PP (the creative
director of the 'moustache' fame) and Planimus (the
gladiatorial media planning head). The client had
also decided to participate with enthusiasm as the
three hour session entailed a few sedate hours away
from office for them. Bose and Madhur Lele (first
name endowed by parents, the second courtesy the general
public) had spirited themselves away with glee when
the plan was drawn up.
"Why
are we doing this session?" Ram had asked Vikas.
"Primarily
to showcase our thinking ability in making contributions
beyond the realms of merely advertising," began
Vikas. "This will be a session in which we will
generate lateral ideas for the clients business that
will help him create market value and foster long
term strategic and competitive advantage." As
usual by time Vikas had finished, Ram was sorry that
he had asked the question.
The
room was bubbling with anticipation with most of the
seniors (read as in key members in the forum) dreaming
of devious plans to ensure that their ideas would
be the only ones recognised.
It
was like the tension before a one hundred meters dash
at the Olympics. The various 'competitors' in the
room were bustling with anxiety, just about ready
to erupt in an 'idea shooting trigger happy' mode.
"We are here…" Vikas had only gone
that far that the chains unfettered themselves. "We
need a new media vehicle. A low cost innovation…,"
started Planimus. "And a new television commercial
that is more interesting…," cut in PP. "A
consumer usage and attitude study needs to be commissioned…,"
Dharti interjected. "Our sales guys need to be
walloped…," Bose thumped his 'marketing'
chest.
"Shouldn't
any session like this have a structure?" enquired
the polite Ram Shankar. All
eyes froze on him. Bose's face was turning blue from
the effort of withholding the next staggeringly interesting
point that he was about to make.
"Be
it pride, envy or lust, Sometimes silence is an absolute
must."
Ram
deciphered those prophetic words above the cacophony
and felt the warm reassurance of the tea cup, as its
deliverer exploded into sparks of creativity.
"Ahem!
A brainstorming session is a place for only matured
minds to contribute," began Vikas, in what promised
to be a scathing rebuke, but his eyes caught Dharti's
gaze. "However, let me lay down the agenda for
why we are here. We will try and uncover ideas beyond
advertising; I hope that emphasis on the underline
is not lost. Ideas that will help us reinvent perception
on the value chain and ensure that the clients business
always sets benchmarks in terms of thought leadership
in industry…."
As
usual, when Vikas was on song, people needed a few
seconds to react, not wanting to lose the plot that
Dharti assumed to be the 'intellectual leadership'
of the group.
"Let
us start by using one of the techniques I learnt abroad,"
began Dharti, emphasizing just the right bit on 'abroad',
"what if we were to see our clients business
one hundred years from now? What pictures and ideas
come to mind?"
"Commercials
that are more interesting," began PP. "Larger
media budgets," chipped in Planimus.
"Lesser and shorter client meetings," was
Vikas's contribution. "Wider portfolio and a
more loyal consumer," said Bose with contempt.
"I
don't know what will happen tomorrow, how can I see
anything that far?" Whenever
Madhur Lele troubled the airwaves, he created unifying
moments.
"Use
your imagination!" scolded Bose. "For once
think about more than leaflets," boomed PP.
"How
can a marketing man lack vision?" Planimus wanted
to know. "Madhur my man, at least try and use
your mind sometimes," was Vikas's exhortation.
The
hostile airwaves seemed to pound poor Madhur Lele
into submission and he curled up into a fetal position
and disappeared under the table.
"Despite
that remark," began Dharti, oozing competence,
charm and sensuality in every syllable, "we did
have some interesting ideas back there. There seems
to be a clear need to break all the present moulds
of our thinking and try something new. See, isn't
it interesting what that exercise threw up?"
Despite
the curfew on his participation seemingly imposed
by Vikas, Ram felt he had to make a point.
"But
weren't those kind of obvious suggestions? Also weren't
they still to do a lot with essentially advertising?
If we are looking at a hundred year perspective, shouldn't
we touch upon how the brand might not need advertising
any more? Can't we examine possibility? Like what
if we changed the equation to make consumers pay us
to speak about their products to friends? Don't we
need to discuss how the product delivery of our brand
might change from a tube to maybe a destination? A
place where you simply enter and you're itching disappears?
If we create one location like this, surely we can
increase our business portfolio as well to include
other aspects of wellness…."
"Stop
this nonsense," shouted Bose. "How dare
he question the caliber of my suggestion? Someone
who has only been twelve months in the business? Look
at the fellow he seems to be suggesting ideas that
belong to a movie…"
PP
exploded in appreciative laughter, winking at Ram
at the same time, an action that saved Ram from further
humiliation, as the diversion and the acceptance of
'his joke' by the creative director completely floored
Bose. "Hey I have other ones as well…"
began an elated Bose. "And we shall hear them
later, too many diversions already," cut in Dharti,
with an icy coldness that saddened Ram. "What
if we come back to the main issue? It seemed to be
going in the direction in which we need to do business
differently. And where can we get directions about
that from?"
"From
conducting an exhaustive research!" concluded
Bose. Dharti
smiled with the poise of a boa constrictor. "Brilliant
Mr Bose, that's a great suggestion. Lets consider
that the first 'out of the box' insight that has emerged
from this forum, and I think this is going just the
right way."
Ram
felt pangs of guilt about his participation in such
obvious conclusions. He was about to raise his voice
and spirit in participation again when Vikas patted
his hand firmly down and scribbled something down
on Ram's writing pad...
'Just
take minutes of this meeting and keep your mouth shut!'
Ram
felt utterly demoralised. He returned to record the
inanities that seemed to be masquerading as ideas.
"Let's
change the packaging!"
"And we take a new celebrity endorser this year!"
"This year we will take direct pot shots at the
competition!"
"And we will innovate at every step!"
"We will set benchmarks, the others will follow."
That
last statement (Ram was too disheartened to notice
its originator) send the entire room in a jingoistic
frenzy to the accompaniment of enthusiastic table
thumping and back slapping. Ram just sank his head
on the table.
"While
the sins of the powers that be are of a higher need,
the ones lower in the food chain at such times should
always succumb to their basic greed."
The
high pitched cackle and Chai-La had vanished along
a series of marks scribbled along the side of a designer
bench kept in the conference room.
But
not before leaving Ram some tea and a whole lot of
tasty snacks…
 The
writer is an independent strategic & ideation consultant. He is also the patron
saint of Juhu Beach United, a football club that celebrates the "unfit, out
of breath media professional of today." You can write to him at (vinaykanchan@hotmail.com).
(The
views expressed here are those of the author and Indiantelevision.com need
not necessarily subscribe to the same) | 
